Turning 25

As a child, 25 sounded so old. I planned to be married and maybe have a kid by now. I never would have guessed I would feel at home in a mud hut in Zambia, Africa. I may not have my own kid, but I love the kids in my village and little things in daily life make me appreciate being here. Like Gilemon's face when he wants my camera...

My birthday was on Thursday and my four closest Peace Corps friends, Holly, Joy, Meggan and Morgan, came to my hut to celebrate. Joy made delicious food, and even a cake (although the middle was raw), and we chatted and had a great time. It was such a satisfying and unique birthday. Sure I missed family and friends stateside but it was definitely a special one to remember. Friday Morgan and Meggan went back to their own villages, but that evening a few Zambian friends from town came to share my birthday and we had a lot of fun. While we were talking about village life together, Quincy said, "The village is unity." Its so beautiful to see 4 generations who all live and work together. Saturday was the big party and 6 more Americans came out and brought a Brai (BBQ). During the day we were surprised when Nyao traitional dancers came to my house. They are intimidating but my family was there so it was a lot of fun and they didn't overstay their welcome.

Overall it more than I could have ever hoped for and I'm glad 10-year-old-me was completely wrong about where I would be at 25. It was a fantastic last birthday in Zambia and unlike any other. Also made better from all the love I received from family and friends stateside. I'm looking forward to what surprises the next year will bring and where I will be for 26. XOXOXO

A good day

It's times like these i know i will miss Zambia. Dailess came to get me for lunch, and as I sat with two agogos I didn't know, eating shima & beans & kapenta (small dried fish that are friend with onions & tomato) it started to rain. The last month, or maybe even longer it's been over 100 degrees. The rain smelled incredible, incomparably fresh. As though the earth and soil itself had been craving it and let out a refreshing sigh of relief. We sat  on the mud floor with the thatch roof around us and no walls, chatting and enjoying watching the rain dampen all that had been dry & hot for too long.
One of the two  unknown agogos started to ask me questions. Do i chop down trees for fire? Do I farm? I had  a hard time understanding her & when I glanced over at one of my host moms, Amai Nkhoma, and my favorite Agogo & my sisters Dai & Lonti I could see them smirking as i answered. I think they enjoyed the obvious surprise of the unknown agogo when I said women in Zambia work a lot, but I don't like to and I don't farm. next came the part when she offered to bring her son to marry me. She was even more astounded when I said I didn't want a man, and he wouldn't like me because i wouldn't work or have kids. it was a good feeling seeing my family smile knowingly. After a year they know I'm lazy & I'm not getting married. I may be a crazy young woman but they know me & may even be happy to have me around.
After lunch, Dai sat with Amai Nkhoma and an english reader notebook teaching her to read the sentences and put the right word in the blank as we all sat in the shelter & enjoyed the rain.
I'm back in my own hut now. It's still raining and thundering. I can hear goats running around under my eves to seek shelter & chickens  squaking. the rain is gently falling, the pour has trickled down to a drizzle & kids have their tongues & out & are chattering & standing under the eves of the nearby huts. The other day someone asked me if life in Zambia is more simple. I cant answer that entirely, the challenges are different, the struggles people face are unlike anything in the states. But i do think that happiness  is more readily available & maybe even more simple. After months of not even a cold drink in all this heat, a little rain is much more appreciated than the new iphone 6s.

Midterm Conference

This picture is of my neighbor in my village. One woman is pounding ground nuts (peanuts) into powder and the other is the woman who lives there, Anya(Miss) Nchedwa with her son Phyela (sweep).

A few weeks ago I embarked on the eight hour bus ride down to Lusaka for Midterm conference. It was the first time in six months that the entire group of people who I came into country with was all together. I am guilty of isolating myself, even from friends in Zambia. I think we all do it to an some extent, we get used to a slow pace, quiet life and don't reach out as much as I should. It was exciting to see everyone again, and reassuring. Friendships that were made during that first 3 months of training were sparked back to life. It was also super pleasant to realize that EVERYONE, all 22 of us from the original 27, was in much happier and healthier frame of mind than when we had last seen each other. We aren't the new kids on the block anymore. We have Zambia figured out to an extent, we are comfortable.

Even the conference sessions brought new spark into my service. It was inspiring and reinvigorating to hear about other people's services, their personal and work projects, failures, and ways of overcoming them. I have a few concrete plans and goals for the next year planned, as well as a few nice African vacations.

We also talked about what comes next. One year. That isn't so long. What is just over the horizon for us? Zambia has the highest rate of all Peace Corps countries of volunteers who extend a third year. I don't think that is for me. So my mind keeps churning up ideas for what's next. As always, I am indecisive, but I think keeping it in mind helps to prepare me and add an aspect of urgency to my service, which isn't generally present in Zambian culture.

Camp GLOW

The pictures above are of all the people who attended Camp GLOW 2014. Mercy Banda & I. And two girls with their special bracelets, as well as burned out glow sticks from our dance party.

If you have read my blog before you know I LOVE the GLOW club I help facilitate at Ndaiwala school. GLOW is a worldwide program that focuses on young women empowerment, and is an acronym for Girls Leading Our World. In August Peace Corps Volunteers in Eastern Province put together a camp for 9 volunteers, who brought one community mentor and two young women from school. Each day of the week long camp had a different focus; goal setting, gender, reproductive health, leadership, HIV/AIDS and malaria. The goal of the camp is to disseminate enough information and have enough fun to inspire volunteers with the help of community mentors and the teenage girls to start a GLOW club in their own communities.

In my community I already have one awesome GLOW club at one of the two government schools, and so I brought Mercy Banda from that club. Mercy was chosen by the club and I have to say they chose well. There is another school down the road from me that has only been a government school for a couple years; the classrooms are mud half-walls with thatched roof, and they only teach grades one through seven. After receiving permission from the Head teacher at this other school, Mwenda Nampingo, I decided to fill my last two spots with a community mentor and young women from that area. Because I haven't worked in depth with the school previously I asked the teachers to recommend a good student to attend, as well as a young woman as community mentor.

Mercy proved Ndaiwala proud throughout the week. She participated fully, had a great attitude--even when things didn't go her way, she helped the other girls, and even led songs for the group to get energized. On the last day she was chosen by the Volunteers as GLOW girl of the week. I was so proud. Not only because she gave it her all, but because many of the teachers expressed doubts about bringing her as the Ndaiwala representative (worries about a possible boyfriend, or her being chosen purely for popularity and not for academic reasons).

Tamala was the student chosen from Mwenda Nampingo school and I was dissappointed to learn, she not only doesn't speak English, but she doesn't speak Nyanja--the language I have learned in Zambia and the translators used throughout the week. People back home may be shocked at my negligence, but in a country with 73 languages, it's not such a surprise. I will say I should have interacted with her more but she was shy and I figured if the school chose her, it wouldn't be a problem.

The community mentor chosen was Esther Phiri, which is funny because that is also my name here in Zambia. She had previously worked as a volunteer teacher at the school. She is a nice young woman who is married, and she brought her toddler, who surprisingly enough wasn't a hassle at all. Unfortunately for me, Esther is either very shy, or doesn't speak English very well. But that is ok, because this club is for them, and it doesn't need to be in English. She does speak Nyanja so at least she was able to understand the translation of the lessons.

At the very end of the week the four of us were working together to make a plan for GLOW club once we returned home to the village. Luckily for me Mercy was willing to take in the burden of translating between English and Tumbuka so we could all work together. When I asked Tamala what she hoped to work on in GLOW club in Mwenda Nampingo, she became very quite and explained to Mercy and Esther that she didn't know why she was chosen to come and that she wasn't capable of leading a club. Immediately Esther and Mercy began to encourage and support her. Telling her that she was smart enough and the teachers had chosen her because they knew she is smart and capable. I also reminded her she wouldn't be doing it alone, I would be there every week to support her and help as much as they wanted. She smiled and looked reassured. She opened her notebook she had decorated as a goal journal on day one and I was impressed to see she had filled the pages. I was blown away and nearly brought to tears as I listened to her list off different activities and topics she wanted to bring back to teach to her community. All week I had been frustrated feeling that she wasn't understanding much because of the language barrier, and while she may not have learned as much as others, I have no doubt she benefited from this experience.

The point I most lost my cool during the week of 14-hour days was while teaching about female reproduction. There was a question from the group of how a woman can not get pregnant while not on birth control or using condoms. I put the question back to the class, and hoped someone would regurgitate the information about ova meeting sperm in the uterus. A community mentor advised that traditional medicine such as herbs... I interrupted her. This was not the time to talk about traditional medicines. I said something along the lines of, "With respect to your culture, right now we are talking about SCIENCE." And then of course repeated the information about ova and sperm. Afterwards I felt bad that I had cut her off and shut her down so completely. I was grateful for the support of my fellow volunteers who reassured me that I hadn't been out of line and it was okay to show my passion something which I obviously care so much about.

I also brought in my abstract Evergreen hippy methods as much as I could manage. Abstract thinking is not taught on school here, and not common. My step mom, Ann had donated beautiful blown glass beads that she made. Each girl, community mentor, and volunteer received one. I asked them each to hold it in their hands an channel their goals and reams into that special, unique bead. A few were confused, and luckily I had a Zambian woman from Lusaka help me translate so they could better understand the idea. I hope the bracelets they all made serve as a reminder that they do have goals; goals they can accomplish. And that each one of them is unique, interesting, and beautiful, even more so than the bead.

On the last day we stood in a circle, and as I had done in many an Evergreen final class, created a web of string. I started by mentioning a skill or fact I had learned this week, and followed it up by something I had learned about myself. The young women and mentors had no problem listing off skills and facts, but we had to ask nearly every person what they had learned about HERSELF. Although it was a struggle it was satisfying for me, other volunteers, and probably even the girls and mentors to see the thought process on their face, and hear the eventual answer. Many had learned they could try something new, make friends, speak out, and one community mentor said she had learned women were just as good as men. We wrapped up by acknowledging that we are all interconnected and committed to holding up our part of the web so we can all succeed.

How do you measure a year?

I'm more than half done with my service. 13 months out of 27 left. You know the song from Rent? "How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets In midnights, in cups of coffee In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure, a year in the life?" How can I possibly measure my first year of service? In changes I've helped with in my community? In ways my community has changed me? In friends made? Laughs shared? Tears shed? It all adds up to one unique experience. I've learned much more about the world and myself than I ever thought I needed to. I've learned life isn't so idealistic and problems aren't easily solved. I'm stronger than I knew, and weaker than I expected. I came into Zambia in favor of aid, and I now am a supporter of investment. I see in many more shades of grey than I ever knew existed. My hopes for this upcoming year are: that I work with my community on projects they value and are committed to, I continue to challenge myself and grow, and overall to make the best of this once in a lifetime experience. I accept my limitations but also want to feel proud of my work, and that this is two years well spent. I tend to have a habit of digging in and not wanting to leave when the time gets close, and so I'm trying to dig in now. To become super committed and invested now, while I still have a year left. So when the time comes to leave I will feel ready, without digging in and without any regrets or feelings of time wasted. A photo from my community members performing a skit about using mosquito nets to prevent malaria.

My Sister's Bedroom

Written May 21st
Today, Wednesday, after dinner my favorite sister, Dailess wandered off into the house with my headlamp. I sat around the fire and chatted for a bit. Eventually everyone started going back to their houses, and I was also ready to walk the 20 feet home and get into my pajamas.

I called out to Dai to see if she was busy, and then stepped into her & Agogo's (grandmas) house to see what was going on. She and my other sister Lontia were making their beds. They share a bedroom about 4 feet wide, 7 feet deep, and 7 feet tall. The bed they were making consisted of a reed mat with blankets on top. On one side, Dai had a piece of foam about an inch thick that looked old and beat up. There were plastic zambags hanging on the wall probably with clothes and books and shoes. As they made their beds they proudly showed me a beat up, coverless book in Nyanja.
***
On Sunday I came home from Chipata and enjoyed dinner and chatted with my sisters. I asked Sharon who I think is 16 but my family says is 21 why she hadn't gone back to school since term was starting back up. She said there wasn't money. This is strange because its harvest season and I've never heard her or anyone else in the family mention it. Also we had beef for dinner which is a huge luxury.

The next day I'm chatting with Agogo and ask where all my sisters are and she says Sharon has gone away to be married and won't come back. I asked if she would still continue school,but I wasn't surprised when the answer was no. I felt frustrated and said to Dailess and Lontia in my caveman Nyanja, "you will not have boy, you stay in school, you have a lot of knowledge, you get a lot of money." They smiled and agreed but it did little to ease my mind. For days I have brooded over this, was there an intervention I could have made?

I have been part of this family for 9 months and in that time I have seen 3 of my 6 sisters ages 16-21 leave to get married. I am so passionate and committed to girl empowerment and education but I can't even dissuade my sisters from entering into early marriage.
***
"The toughest job you'll ever love" is not a Peace Corps exaggeration.

When I glimpsed into Dai's and Lontia's small bedroom today, I couldn't help but think maybe I would also marry early to have my own house, space, autonomy. Maybe being 21 (or maybe 16) and in 10th grade is not enough. It is still frustrating to me that Sharon didn't go back to school. She was in a pretty good boarding school in Chipata, the nearest town. But maybe I don't have the right to be frustrated. I'm not sleeping in a tiny room on the floor, or struggling through school towards goals which may not be visible. Maybe all I can hope is her husband treats her well, she's healthy, well-fed and doesn't have too many kids.

visiting Americans with important reminder

In day to day life I get bogged down sometimes. I get lazy and dont want to fetch water, or I get caught up in my routine and i forget. I forget that every day I'm here I'm not only accomplishing my own goal of joining Peace Corps, but i have a special opportunity that many people working in development (or even people who don't) wish they had. I get to spend my time becoming part of a rural African community. I get to have friends and joke with people that are culturally a world away. I get to see how aid works, close up, the good and the bad.

I was at a clinic meeting today when people started cleaning up and preparing for somthing. Two men from the District Health Office came and George told me there were people from outside Zambia coming to meet the Saving Mothers Action Group. I heard singing and looked outside and sure enough they were welcoming 3 American women. They interviewed the SMAGs as a group and took lots of photos and videos. Afterwards they also interviewed me and I showed them around the clinic.

One woman lives in Lusaka and commented how nice it was to get out of the city and into rural Zambia. Another woman who lives in New York said something like, "We probably spend our time thinking about the same things but I'm sitting at a desk, and you are out here living it."

It can be easy to miss home, family, friends, foods, and creature comforts. It can be easy to take for granted that I live in a beautiful place far away from light pollution, traffic, and tall buildings. And since I'm here day in and day out it can even be easy to take it for granted that I am helping to create change and encourage learning. Meeting these women today reminded me how truly lucky I am to be here, with people, as part of the community, working towards improving their lives.

Morocco

Of course the best part of Morocco was being able to spend 8 days with my brother. I am beyond lucky to have such a fun, loving, and smart big brother. We flew into Casablanca and saw the famous gigantic Mosque, as well as had dinner at an old military fort, and drinks at Rick's cafe. Later we watched the movie Casablanca on the train and realized it isnt at all the same as the movie.

Next stop was Fez, and we saw a lot of the historical landmarks as well as their handicrafts. As one of the oldest cities it boasts the first University, which was opened by a woman, as well as the first astronomy center where the number zero was established. We saw old Jewish Synagogues and streets from the 14th century. In the center of the Medina were tiny streets about 3 feet wide that date back to the 9th century. We stayed in a beautiful Riad in the old part of town that had gorgeous mosaic everywhere, as well as beautiful carved and painted wooden furniture.

Next up we took a train over the country side more towards the desert to Marrakesh. We saw a bit of the Atlas mountains. We enjoyed more delicious couscous, tangine, harriera, and other traditional Moroccan food, as we did all week. And we even got sushi once. Score! We saw parts of the city but mostly relaxed and chatted. There is no time like quality time with family. And ultimately theres nothing better than spending time with Aaron.

At times it was frustrating that most people didn't speak English, and we didn't speak French or Arabic, but overall it was a beautiful country and interesting to be in such a completely different African country. It was also my first time in a Muslim country.

I have come back to Zambia feeling refreshed and invigorated. I'm grateful to be back in Zambia. Who would have thought a year ago that when I arrived at a mud hut in a village I would feel at home? I may not have expected it then but I surely do now. Everything in my hut was safe and in order and even my cat was fat and happy.

The day after getting home, my community hosted the district wide World Malaria Day. I am so impressed to show up at a well organized day long program complete with the usual Zambian dancing, as well as skits, health talks, and question and answer sessions with net distribution for right answers. My community rocks and I am so grateful they are committed to working hard for better lives and healthier futures.

Pilots, doctors, and police women

4/4/14 today was our closing meeting at GLOW today. To say it was fun would be a huge understatement. The deputy head brought in his stereo and many teachers came to watch. The girls danced as a thank you to me, I danced as a thank u to them, and the teachers also danced. The girls did a great job talking about what they learned in GLOW this term; early marriage, abstinence, condom use, sewing stitches, and goal setting. I was super impressed to hear girls say they want to be: a pilot, a doctor, a teacher, and a policewoman. Looks like my area might be losing some future farm workin mamas and I'm super proud of them. At the end my counterpart, George, did a fantastic job of asking why the girls come to school, what are the challenges, and then teaching about HIV. Next up we had a brave woman from the HIV positive living support group get up and tell her story. Finally the head Prefect girl thanked all of us and said they would not disappoint me. After the session ended George and Jonathon (another clinic staff) went into the next room to do VCT, voluntary testing anf counseling for HIV. Out of about 70 or 80 girls, 33 were tested and all were negative. I am so proud of all of them amd cant wait for next term to start back up.

Empowerment

I'm going to try to write about an idea I spend a lot of time thinking about. Empowerment.

My first experiences learning about teaching are still relevant to my Peace Corps service. I worked in day care for years and it took a long time to learn the patience to watch a child struggle to do something, like tie their shoe, instead of taking the easier route which would be to tie it for them and be done with it. But ultimately that kid doesnt learn to tie their shoes. Not until I could give up power to them, and give myself patience.

More relevantly, I was trained in empowerment techniques at SafePlace when I did an internship for advocacy of domestic violence and sexual assault. It's one thing to be patient about a kid learning to tie shoes, its much harder and even heartbreaking watching people devalue themselves and slide into abusive routines. It can be easy to say, "its so obvious its a shitty situation, and you could improve it if u just got a job and an apartment, and didn't go back." It's harder to stand by and encourage them through failed interviews and painful rebuilding of self-esteem.

I have to remind myself nearly every day that my work is slow, and may take generations. It can be frustrating to me to see well-meaning organizations come into my community and provide goods. Not because people don't appreciate it, they do. But because when I want to teach them to get those same goods for themselves, they know they can just appeal to that organization and get it for free. I try to teach about community ownership and the importance of investing your own time and money into projects, and how much more it will mean, they agreed and then say, " so how much can u donate?" I got frustrated. I said "nothing and I absolutely refuse to do fundraising." Later that day my counterpart explained to another community health worker that I wanted the community to donate money for lunch at the training. he literally laughed. He knew it could be donated. This is my bottom line. For every single meeting or training, participants expect a free lunch and probably snacks. This is because organizations come in to do trainings and provide it. I refuse. People have food. They could each contribute a little food or money.

What do I do? Let them appeal to other organizations to get the food? Or insist that it all comes from the community? This has potential to make me bitter and I think it's a shame. I got excited about working with my community to raise money to buy bikes for our Safe Motherhood Action Group. It would be sustainable, a one time thing, and something I believe would make a gigantic difference in community health. My community has a special opportunity having me, I can write grants and teach them how, and I have access to peace corps grants and so many amazing family and friends willing to help. But am I continuing to enable their entitlement? Do they see a difference between fundraising for a a big project that is long lasting like bikes compared to lunches for every training? Or do i just become a piggy bank in their eyes? It's beyond frustrating. I want to teach classes on HIV, or reproductive organs and health (because people dont know), nutrition, sanitation, or whatever they want to actually learn, but I cant unless I provide lunch, or raise funds. Shouldn't there be a desire for the knowledge itself? I know attendance increases when people provide food at meetings but about 10.9% of people in eastern province have HIV, people see loved ones and friends dying, is it too much to ask for them to learn about their body and the disease? And so again I remind myself, baby steps. I cant make them want to learn, I can only let them know the information is available and im happy to spend my time teaching them. Also part of what got me excited about the bikes was initially they were coming up with their own ideas to raise money, like raising and selling chickens or pigs. Then i suggested maybe we could do a grant. I have Peace Corps approval but im hesitant. The open palms asking for money sure increased after I mentioned the grant, even though I explained I can only do one. So do I do it? I would love to hear what other people think. I would be trying to raise about $2500 USD and it would be coming from donations, similliar to gofundme, but through Peace Corps and tax deductible. If I do it will I be getting asked for money for the next 18 months, because that would surely drive me insane. In American culture, or at least in my mind, asking for money is really rude and inconsiderate. There is an expectation that if you want something u work for it. And I dont really see that as much here. I will say though my community is extremely generous with me. If I need garlic or chili peppers they just give it to me and won't accept money back, my host dad is having a big bed frame built that I will get to use until I leave and he also bought my small bed from me when I upgraded my mattress. I live in a giving, sharing place with a communal attitude, but sometimes I miss the idea that everything has a price and should be paid by you, not fundraised for. What are your thoughts?

Girls Leading Our World

21/3/14 one gigantic culture difference that affects my work here in Zambia are beliefs about condoms. maybe because they were initially introduced as an anti-AIDS measure they are seen with such stigma here. Condom use in the states is about 85% and people generally assume using a condom is a good idea and seen as way to be safe and clean. Here when someone in a relationship or hook up suggests condom use it implies that person either has or suspects the other person of having HIV or other partners. This is especially true in the rural areas like where I live and work.

Today I came to my nearby school armed with 2 wooden penis' and condoms to do a demonstration. The public policy in Zambian schools is to teach abstinence only, and when they tell me that, all I can respond is I know of 13 year old girls getting pregnan, teenagers contracting HIV. Im not promoting sex, I am promoting knowledge and safety. I had to discuss with 3 teachers and the Deputy Head what I planned to do. As well as give them a demo. The men especially seemed skeptical. As if I was encouraging sex. Ultimately we had to ask the Head Teacher in charge of the school. I agreed it is an uncomfortable subject but its important. He said, "what is better to talk to our daughters about condoms, or see them in coffins?" Such a Zambian way to see it but I really enjoyed the shocked look on the male teachers faces when he agreed. And enjoyed it even more when they immediately got on board and started suggesting which girls would benefit most. I am beyond grateful to have an open headmaster who supports my work in the school. He even said there would be no male teachers in the room so the girls could be open and free to learn. Which really impressed me. Zambians really value authority and if we can get people in power supporting our work it makes it much easier.

Of course I had to stress the importance of abstinence but that didnt dampen my spirit. I had fun with the girls and made them laugh as much as possible to get them to loosen up. the female tachers were really on board and helped translating. After my demo we had six volunteers to do it also. everyone cheered for them and seemed supportive. I would like to have seen more volunteers but at least its a start.

A few weeks ago 3 girls from the GLOW club came to my house to chat and borrow crayons. I keopt trying to give them condoms but they didnt accept them. Today after session one girl offered me the crayons back and showed me a nice drawing she made. I told her to keep the crayons and keep drawing. Im so excited these girls are opening up to me, it makes me feel like part of the communituy and gives me hope they will come to me for condoms, crayons, support, or even just to chat.

littleka

I had to buy a new phone and so I can't update my blog from my hut anymore, but I will try to update as often as possible. Here's a mishmash of my thoughts over the last month and a half.

I gave a few books in Nyanja (local language) to my siblings and they have been reading them endlessly. It's great to see them passing around the books because it isn't super common to see in the village. I was blown away the other day when Agogo (grandma) picked up the book and started reading aloud. She is at least in her 60's and I was very impressed to see she knows how to read. Also I've been letting the kids play with a soccer ball and jump rope and they love it. Sometimes I just give it to them for the day, and sometimes they have to do little chores like bring me fire or water. It is a win-win for both of us. i'm trying to get the kids to speak English to me, they have progressed from "bola!" to "ball please" All about the baby steps.

I am beyond excited to see Aaron (my brother) in April!! And to top it off it will be in Morocco which will be beautiful and delicious! I can't wait. I think it helps a lot to have something to look forward to, so it doesn't just feel like I will live in a village indefinitely.

I am 1/3 done with my entire service and 1/4 done with my time in the village. Just a year and a half left. Its strange because most days are slow but the months fly by. I've started studying for the GRE which is good, keeps me busy and feeling like I'm still learning. I'm thinking I want to go to Grad school after PC so hopefully I"ll get a great score since I'm starting to study so early.

I recently had a meeting with my Safe Motherhood Action Group who does outreach for family planning, antenatal care, bringing women to the clinic for delivery, and nutrition. They have started a chicken raising Income Generating Activity to help raise funds because they need bikes to be able to reach people who live further away. I'm working with a few members to write a grant because it would literally take years for them to raise enough money to buy enough bikes to reach the entire community. A chicken is sold for $6 USD and a bike costs $100. I'm impressed with their commitment and follow-through so it encourages that the bikes will be well-used and sustainable. Also they can bring women to the clinic to stay at the Mother Shelter before giving birth, and use the bicycles as ambulances. I am beyond impressed with these women who walk over 3-4 hours to reach the clinic at about 9 months pregnant. Zambian women are incredibly strong, and don't even make noise when giving birth. When Zambian men ask to marry me I just tell them I'm to weak and lazy, nothing like a Zambian, and we both know its true.

Yesterday I want to a traditional festival called Ncwala, to celebrate the beginning of harvests and the end of hunger season. There were tons of people dressed in lots of fur, lots of topless older women, and of course tons of dancing. It was super hot and crowded so I left early but what I missed was the Paramount Chief (topmost chief) came and drank cows blood that was freshly drained while everyone watched. Also the President of Zambia, Michael Sata was flown in by helicopter and gave a speech. I feel lucky that even at huge festivals the extent of harassment is people calling me madame or sister and asking how I am.

My cooking in the village is getting much better. Which of course makes life more enjoyable. I still miss variety since its usually just onions, tomatoes, bell pepper, and green beans with soy and pasta/rice. But I've been making lots of soups which are delicious.

Here's some of my favorite Zambian sayings: So cabe (pronounced chabey, meaning just so), littleka(little little, littleka spoon, etc), maths, instead of saying many saying much (you have much bags), bungalolo (centipede), how to say a new one in nyanja- ya new one.

I painted nearly my entire hut purple inside. I love it. I feel much more at home and the wall lime isn't rubbing off on everything anymore.

As always I love you and miss you all tons and tons xoxoxox

Family & friends= #1

Confession: much harder than not having running water or electricity, is not having my family and friends that I have always relied on to share a laugh with.

Loneliness very well may be the most ferocious lion in my service. I have friends who are volunteers and they're great, they definitely get me smiling and thru the hard times. But the underlying question of, "would we be friends if we weren't all on this American boat in the middle of this turbulent Zambian ocean?" Always remains. And sometimes I can't help but miss the genuine friendships I've cultivated over the years of late nights and embarrassing moments.

In some ways its reassuring to feel that I do need the people from my past, and no one in my future can replace them. But sometimes I'm impatient and I would love to hear an old joke, a familiar song, or reminisce old stories together. Of course chatting online or on the phone helps me enliven those old connections, and for me, that's what sustains me. I need to have people who I have a history with, and I'm not constantly starting from chapter one with.

Peace corps is an interesting experience because its extremely temporary. Comparable to those round about doors, people are constantly leaving, only to be replaced by strangers. It leaves a hunger feeling in my stomach. So do I continue to make new friends with everyone and perfect my ability to say goodbye and promise to come sleep on someone's couch? Or do I pick a few I hope could be genuine, people I would pick out of a crowd in the US, and still, perfect my promise to come sleep on their couch, when they also inevitably leave? I guess this is the real world. This is how life feels when u don't live in the same house for 18 years, or even a comfortable college town for 5 years, at a time.

Ultimately of course I will continue to make new friends, its just my nature. But to my family and friends back home know that on lonely days I'm smiling to myself about our old memories and looking forward to future ones.

And I have to give a shoutout to my Zambian host family as always. I came home today after being gone for 3 weeks and was bombarded with their happiness to see me. My house was just as I left it and my cat was fat and happy, obviously having been well cared for. They even cooked chicken for dinner. And afterwards my sisters dived their hands into my hair to braid it will chatting away in nyanja. They are happy I'm here and I am too.

New Year in Malawi

Happy 2014!! I'm incredibly grateful to be spending a week in Malawi. It is absolutely gorgeous. The lake is huge, warm, pristine, with lots of brightly colored fish. I went canoeing, snorkeling, ate lots of good food, with lots of swimming. There's also cliff jumping and boat rides, but I forgot to sign up and literally missed the boat on that one.  There is a ton of beautiful artwork,  awesome carved wooden pieces, paintings, and jewelry. The malawians are extremely friendly and nearly everyone speaks English. They also speak nyanja and tumbuka but I can pretty much only greet people in local language.

2014 will potentially be the only year in my life I live in Africa from January to December. Also I can now say I'll be home next year. My main goals for this year is to be healthy and productive, and enjoy my service as much as possible.

I wish u all the best 2014. Xoxo lots of love <3

New Year in Malawi